After two weeks of anxiously waiting for an interview and a decision, I am happy to report to you all, that I received a full time position at my job. Hoorah for health bennys and being able to afford school! All I can say, is Thank you Lord.
From the time I turned 15 I was intensely aware of the presence of God in my life. Looking back now, he was there even before I was aware of him.
Even though I went to church almost my whole life, I went through a phase in my early teens that turned my world upside down. I made some horrendous choices, and hurt a lot of people in the process. At that time, I almost unknowingly turned my back on God and began seeking out a different path, looking into paganism and the ways of the Native Americans.
I continued to make choices that went against the grain of my entire being, some making me physically ill, I tanked in school, and battled depression in unhealthy ways.
And then Molly entered the scene. Things started changing. On evening trail rides with new friends, I would watch the sun set behind the mountains and paint the sky, and see the changes in nature up close and personal and it stirred something in my weary soul. So began the fledgling feelings of peace and knowing God did indeed, exist. (Not something I ever doubted, just something that felt too far away to grasp.)
A summer went by with Molly and friends, and a boy who changed my way of viewing life with his beautiful soul. We broke up, but stayed friends. And then he died.
Nothing has rocked my world more than that. It didn’t take long for me to stop going to school because I had to get away from his name on everyone’s lips. I found my peace on the back of my horse, but things slowly spiraled. Those seven stages of grief are a bitch.
I met someone else. Enter Pot. Enter Sex. Enter Booze. Enter bad, bad, bad, bad choices. Those choices carried me through the rest of high school and into my first two years of college.
Yet looking back, I wouldn’t change much.. Believe it or not I can see the hand of God in all of it. He let me make my choices, and run from him, but he knew I’d always come back when things got more than I could handle, and they often did.
He has always guided my path.
And now I’m in an amazing place in my life. I’ve got a loving family (Who has always been on my side through all my stupidity), An amazingly supportive Boyfriend who I love soo much, and a job that I truly do enjoy that will carry me through school and maybe beyond, who knows. God knows. and I trust him.
Oh, and Austin is still in my life, my guardian angel, still with all of us who loved him.
There were many.