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Posts Tagged ‘love’

Homesick

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Friends, I don’t know about your neck of the woods, but temps here haven’t been above freezing in over a week. I’m not built for this nonsense!

The upside though, is that nobody,  including the horses wants to work, meaning we didn’t have any appointments on Sunday so I got to spend the day with my man. I had the urge to cook while we lazed around so I asked him to pick a recipe from one of my boards on Pinterest (Yay Pinterest!) and I would make dinner  while he watched the game.

Well dinner ended up being lunch because this recipe is super quick and easy. I did have to improvise on a few ingredients but if anything it added it the taste. There were one or two things I would tweak:
First, the recipe called for sun-dried tomatoes or paste, we used sun-dried tomatoes and in the future I would seek out the paste. I think it would stand out more in the soup.
Second thing I would change would have been to not use onion bits. We were out of powder so I used the bits and Boyfriend liked them but I did not. I’d have even prefered real onion. Other than that though, this recipe is tasty, easy, and fast.  I will be making it again!

Creamy Tomato Tortellini Soup

(Recipe adapted from http://recipeswagger.blogspot.com/)

Ingredients:

2 dollops garlic paste
2 Tbl Olive Oil
2 10 3/4 oz Cans of  Tomato Soup
2 Tbls Of Sun Dried Tomato Paste
2 cups Half-and-half
2 cups Chicken Stock
1 tsp Onion Powder
1 Tsp Basil
1 Tsp oregano
1/2 Tsp Garlic Salt & Rosemary* Optional
1/2 tsp Salt
1/2 tsp Pepper
1 whole 9 Oz Package Of Cheese Filled Tortellini
(we used chicken & bacon & cheese filled)
3/4 cup Shredded Parmesan Cheese, for garnish

Directions:

1. Saute garlic with the olive oil in a large stock pot over medium heat until golden. Don’t let it burn.

2. When the garlic is done, add tomato soup, tomato paste, half and half, chicken stock and spices.
3.Bring to a simmer. Once simmering, drop tortellini into the soup.
Read Package for directions. Don’t cook too long or the tortellini will bust.
After tortellini are cooked, serve and garnish with parmesan cheese.

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Proverbs 16:3

After two weeks of anxiously waiting for an interview and a decision, I am happy to report to you all, that I received a full time position at my job.  Hoorah for health bennys and being able to afford school! All I can say, is Thank you Lord.

From the time I turned 15 I  was intensely aware of the presence of God in my life.  Looking back now, he was there even before I was aware of him.
Even though I went to church almost my whole life, I went through a phase in my early teens that turned my world upside down.  I made some horrendous choices, and hurt a lot of people in the process. At that time,  I almost unknowingly turned my back on God and began seeking out a different path, looking into paganism and the ways of the Native Americans.
Nothing Held.
I continued to make choices that went against the grain of my entire being, some making me physically ill, I tanked in school, and battled depression in unhealthy ways.

And then Molly entered the scene.  Things started changing.  On evening trail rides with new friends, I would watch the sun set behind the mountains and paint the sky, and see the changes in nature up close and personal and it stirred something in my weary soul.  So began the fledgling feelings of peace and knowing God did indeed, exist.  (Not something I ever doubted, just something that felt too far away to grasp.)

A summer went by with Molly and friends, and a boy who changed my way of viewing life with his beautiful soul. We broke up, but stayed friends.  And then he died.

Nothing has rocked my world more than that.  It didn’t take long for me to stop going to school because I had to get away from his name on everyone’s lips. I found my peace on the back of my horse, but things slowly spiraled.  Those seven stages of grief are a bitch.

I met someone else.  Enter Pot. Enter Sex. Enter Booze. Enter bad, bad, bad, bad choices. Those choices carried me through the rest of high school and into my first two years of college.
Yet looking back, I wouldn’t change much.. Believe it or not I can see the hand of God in all of it.  He let me make my choices, and run from him, but he knew I’d always come back when things got more than I could handle, and they often did.

He has always guided my path.

And now I’m in an amazing place in my life.  I’ve got a loving family (Who has always been on my side through all my stupidity), An amazingly supportive Boyfriend who I love soo much, and a job that I truly do enjoy that will carry me through school and maybe beyond, who knows.  God knows.  and I trust him.

Art Raven the-crane-wife

Oh, and Austin is still in my life, my guardian angel, still with all of us who loved him.
There were many.

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I had a dream last night that brought me back to the last four years of my life, all entwined with one person who was the center point of my dream & with other friends and acquaintances from the past throughout it.  It’s so crazy that I was such an entirely different person. 
In my dream I was back with this person, and in my sub-conscience mind I’m going “WHOA hold up, don’t ruin this amazing relationship you have going with your amazing man! Don’t go backwards!” But my dream-self is of course not listening. 
Do you ever have those crazily vivid dreams that feel like reality? This one was like that, felt just like it did back then, so much so that I woke up in a panic, thinking I’d just gone and ruined the best relationship I’ve ever had. 
When reality hit me and I realized I had only  been dreaming, I was just Flooded with relief.    It was an extremely hard and painful decision to say good-bye and remove this person from my life, but I knew that if I didn’t, this relationship or any others, would never work.
It was the best choice I ever made. 
I am happier now than I have been in many, many years. Probably since I was a little kid when my biggest problem was 2+2.
Everything has fallen into its place, my heart is full with love for not just my amazing man, but for my family and friends as well for I’ve found my true friends, and my true passion and calling in life, to work with the animals I love so very much.   I am not the angsty, angry, violent, emotional wreck of a person that I used to be.
Of course I’ll still have obstacles, but at least I know who I am and I have these amazing people on my side.

So thank you to this person, for teaching me so many things, most importantly that I didn’t want to be somebody’s ‘Option”, and to this dream, for reminding me how blessed I am, to have left the past behind in favor of something so much better.

wow.

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photo courtesy:pinterest

“When you were born I held you wet and unfolding, like a butterfly newly born from the chrysalis of my body”

-Joy Harjo-

 

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  I’ve always loved going out to eat, that started with my mom taking me out for lunch dates when I was young and my dad and grandparents taking me to sunday breakfast after church. Food is just the most basic way to connect with other people. If I have to have a serious conversation, it’s more than likely going to happen over a diner table. Or sometimes there doesn’t even have to be conversation, just the act of sharing a meal with someone you love in silence can be equally rewarding.

I’ve just recently begun learning how to cook things more complex than pasta and grilled cheese and I am finding that to be equally, if not More rewarding. I love to feed the people I love. Or people I don’t know!
A woman who frequents my place of business, has been swapping treats with me. She brought in some cookies one day and asked if I wanted them, obviously I said yes. (I am the equivalent of the cookie monster) And so a week or so later, I made something involving peanut butter and chocolate and gave her one as well. It makes me feed good.

On Wednesday morning I decided to make breakfast for the parents and the boyfriend, the plan was Bacon Corn Griddle cakes, More Bacon, Scrambled eggs, Milk or Juice. Or both. And some fruit.
Well….I burned a lot of bacon. Not because I don’t know how to make bacon, I do. I’m good at it. But I had some older bacon i wanted to cook up as well as two packages of new stuff. So I popped the old stuff in the Micro. and it died. Died to the Death.  So while fighting with lots of bacon (I even baked some bacon, yum) I was chopping and dicing and sizzling and pouring and mixing and chaos. Things didn’t quite turn out as planned, I tried scrambled eggs in a new fashion, but I Hate eggs. so it just grossed me out and didn’t work at all. and I didn’t have time to cut fruit. But there was bacon and milk and Bacon Corn Griddle cakes which, if you’re still with me, is the point of this post.
I’m not big on pancakes but these, these were delicious!!!!!!!

http://www.recipegirl.com/2012/02/16/bacon-and-corn-griddle-cakes/

Now this picture was taken by recipegirl, BUT if it doesn’t motivate you to go to her blog (link above) and try this recipe…you my friend, are missing out. Boyfriend had 3, padre had 4, I had 2, Little Blonde Mommy had 1. There were only 10. Next time I will double, even triple the batch!

We used warm syrup on these like the recipe calls for, however, I’d recommend using very little or none at all even. The corn makes them just sweet enough that the syrup almost takes away from them. Unless you’ve got a good size sweet tooth then by all means! Anyway, check this out they’re fantastic and super easy to make.
Happy Eating everyone!
and Happy Trails.

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    It all started with a simple prayer for patience.
I am not a patient person, neither is my mom so I can say I come by it naturally. However anybody who has anything to do with horses knows that patience is a must, and so on Monday as I was laying on top of a saddle blanket, basking in the late morning sun I shot up a prayer to help me learn more patience with Molly. 
Going along with my plan to get up early in the mornings I was up and at the ranch by 8:30. I got Molly out, fed and groomed her and saddled up to be on our way. There is a field across the street from the ranch and we trekked over there side by side. My hope was it would be less of a battle if we crossed the street on foot and got a decent distance from the ranch before I mounted up.  I was mostly correct, it wasnt too bad just a lot of circleing and redirecting.  A creek runs through the field that we crossed (dry this time of year), and once we reached the otherside I opened her up into a full run which was fantastic. My goal with molly is simply to be able to ride out alone from time to time without it being a balls to the wall battle. Mission Accomplished:Almost. After our initial run we slowed it down to a nice walk for a bit. Eventually I got off and unsaddled and took out her bit so she could graze freely on a long line. I spread out a saddle blanket, got out my journal and a book and proceeded to enjoy the morning.
It was around this time I shot my prayer heavenward then commenced reading my book. And all Hell broke loose. Whether I dropped the rope when she jerked, or I didn’t have it in my hand at all I can’t be certain. All I saw was my horse tangled with the line weaving between her legs, and her skittering a good 20 ft away. I jumped up and called out her name and she came to a halt and I slowly moved toward her, too slow. The line wobbled between her legs as she took a step and that was that. She booked it. I shouted and yelled for her to stop as I take off after her but the effort was futile.
Panic. I am panicked. She isn’t stopping. She is crossing the creek and heading for the road. The road where there is a large dumptruck sized oncoming vehicle.  Again I find myself shooting prayers skyward, I am now barely to the creek ditch, my horse is barreling as fast as she can down the middle of the road. The truck THANK YOU LORD, slowed down as she’d crossed the road and missed her by enough that I let out a breath until I saw the other cars now coming toward her.  At this point I’m glad she didn’t stop, blessed that she didn’t trip over the longe line between her legs. So many things that could have gone wrong, horribly irrevocably wrong, but did not. 
The worst of it was having to walk back to the ranch, painfully aware of the ache in my chest that confirms that I am not in as good of shape as I appear.  And the not knowing whether my horse, my beloved mare, made it back without injuring herself. She was out of my sight and I couldn’t run anymore. By the time I got back (picked up in the gator by our wonderful trainer) I was equal parts scared and angry.  Scared for her, Angry at myself.
Once back I retirieved my heaving horse from a holding pen and gave her a once over, she was fine just a little jittery. And so we began the long walk back to my abandoned saddle, books, bridle, phone, camera, and saddle blankets. I so wanted to just put her in the pasture and drive to get my things…but I also wanted her to know that was not acceptable behavior.
I understand she is a horse, flight is their response to most things. But it also could develop into a terrible habit should i let her get away with it even once. and so we walked. As we crossed the road I looked up at the sky as I contemplate how much this was trying my already limited patience and shouted, “THAT WAS NOT WHAT I MEANT!” Its funny how some prayers are answered.
And the more I tried to keep my temper and stay calm, the angrier I got. Not AT her, at myself. I was careless. end of story. Unfortunately as we returned to the sight of the great escape, she tried my patience more by being difficult to saddle. She wanted to eat (GASP! more horsely behavior)
But I was loathe to let go of her rope again, this I saddled with one hand. Not an easy feat. I also managed to break my running martingale loop that holds the pieces together, and I had her in a snaffle. Bad. Bad Bad. The combination of all these things, as we rode back to the ranch, turned ugly quickly. She wanted to run back and I had other ideas plus a bag thrown over my shoulder that wasn’t cooperating. We ended up in a battle of wills, and by the time we got to the other side of the road I had to get out of the saddle before I caved to my impulse to just beat the shit out of her. (pardon my french) I would never, and have never done such a thing but I was at my boiling point and so was she. We walked the rest of the way back.
By the time I let Molly back into the pasture she didn’t even wait for the carrot in my pocket, my pitiful attempt at making amends. She wanted nothing more to do with me, and frankly I felt the same. 
The wonderful day I’d planned, turned into such a nightmare. And yet I learned from it, so not a total loss. We will begin in the round pen again tomorrow to build back some bricks of trust that got broken.
and we continue on.

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